Essay
Slackjaw: 10 Ways to break All Of The cider House Rules and Endure Apple picking this Fall
For unknown reasons, you feel compelled against your will to drape yourself in infinity scarves. You find yourself in the spice aisle, comparing organic cardamoms to cinnamons, with no memory of how you got there. Recurring nightmares about miniature gourds force…
The Woven Tale Press: The etymology of ‘pussy’ as told bY an eighth grader
I was a typical thirteen year old, with a helping of anger issues and a side of foot in my mouth. In my conservative school, I craved to be Kim Kelly but was more of a Lindsay Weir, mouthing off where I could and slipping in small rebellions…
keeping it spooky: the cult of whoville
Come the holidays I am a bit of a Grinch. It’s not that I don’t understand the appeal, I truly just think it’s weird how there are people who jizz all over Christmas like nerds at a Magic the Gathering tournament. Dumb sweaters, peppermint flavor everything, and cheesy Hallmark movies have zero appeal to…
THE DERRY GAZETTE: I DON’T WANT TO BE BURIED
We all came to Stephen King in our own unique ways. We stumbled across his work on our parents’ bookshelves, or we snuck down the Blockbuster horror aisle while the 14-year-old clerk was distracted picking a zit. Or maybe your journey in King’s Dominion traces all the way back to the time your…
an injustice!: Five cows who enjoy more rights than women in the equality state
Are you a woman? Are you thinking about moving to Wyoming after watching Yellowstone? Well, unless you’re a literal heifer, you may find yourself second-guessing if it’s worth the move, even if you do get to flick a quarter off Kevin Costner’s Wrangler’ed tight ass.
SLACKJAW: The White Trash Guide To Finding True Love
Are you tired of a fulfilling and independent lifestyle? Are you sick of healthy relationships with no spark? Are you missing the adrenaline of toxic drama in your every day routine? If this aligns with your aura— you’re in luck! Our case workers have put together a quick and easy guide to help shackle you down and find true manipulative chaos…
NEXTIONS, LLC IMPACT: Learning about Adam toledo
I’m not sure why the death of Adam Toledo hit me harder than the rest. I did not know him. I did not know his family. Children are dying every day from systematic violence and the few lives that are summed up by CNN is just the tip of the iceberg. This is nothing new. If anything, sacrificing our children is one of…
New Noise MAgazine: Column | Kamala – Our Resident Punk VP Nominee
A few months ago, I was having a beer with an old friend. We were both in from our respective big cities, fleeing COVID and quarantine to visit our tiny, hometown tucked away in a forgotten mountain valley. We were reminiscing, rehashing…
Harness Magazine: Good Men and the Women They Haven’t Me Too’ed
A few months ago, I was having a beer with an old friend. We were both in from our respective big cities, fleeing COVID and quarantine to visit our tiny, hometown tucked away in a forgotten mountain valley. We were reminiscing, rehashing…
bouncin’ and behavin’ fuckery: congress approves ice and mib merger
Washington, D.C. — Today, an unanimous Congress approved the merger of popular government agency, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), with the less than cool Men in Black agency. Named the easiest merger since big bread and butter, Congress agrees that consolidating these two…
NEXTIONS, LLC IMPACT: A view from wyoming on MLK Day
Growing up in Wyoming, MLK Day was just a day. We went to school, did our assignments, and maybe one radical teacher would show us a clip of Dr. King's “I Have a Dream" speech. She would say this man is celebrated because he ended racism in the U.S., and ever since, people of all races and…
New Noise MAgazine: Column| Hey kids, do you wanna go to the punk rock show?
On the evening of March 12, 2021, I had tickets to a punk show. Before jumping in the shower, it finally clicked for me that it was a big deal that Chicago, had canceled its St. Patrick’s Day Parade. I decided to eat my ticket and watch a Ted…
New Noise Magazine: column | Party Affiliation, Registered Punk
I’ve been politically active since I was young. I remember watching the John Kerry 2004 debates in middle school. No matter how much homework I had, I watched Jon Stewart every night. I knocked on doors for Barack Obama in 2008. I…
Keeping it Spooky: Nightmare on Emerson Street
For too many of us in 2020, insomnia is no stranger. Many of us are at its beck and call. For some, it’s knowing that babies are sleeping in cages at the border tonight, or that another defenseless person has been gunned down in the street. Others, because the daily…